What can I say son, I want to start by saying how much we miss you and how we cannot believe that you are not with us anymore.  Yet I know we should start at the beginning and so I shall.

You were born on Sunday 25th April 1976 at 1.15am, at St Mary’s Hospital, Leeds.  Weighing in at 8lbs 1oz, only a fraction of the weight you were when we lost you.  I can’t say I loved you from the first moment I saw you, because I didn’t.  You were my first and I looked at you and felt nothing.  But, one day I looked into your eyes and the love blossomed and from that day you became my world and my love would never fail even in death.  I remember when in hospital, I didn’t like people touching you, after all you had been a big part of my life for 9 months.  Eventually the feelings went and I knew that I was not the only one that loved you.  All the way through your life I know that people continued to love you so dearly and others also that came into your life felt the same.  You had a love of joinery from an early age, many a weekend would see you at Granddad’s with a piece of wood and a hammer, making something that you thought was fantastic.  I remember one bonfire night, putting a piece of wood on the fire and you screaming because it was your boat.  All it was was a piece of wood with a couple of nails in.  So it was no wonder that you became a joiner and a bloody good one at that.  You just knew how to do things, you really didn’t need to be told.  You went through many things in your life, Rose I think you never got over.  Your firm Verus, how he took you for a ride and your bowel problems.  But, you didn’t let it get you down for long, you took it in your stride and together we worked it out. 

We had many happy times together, you driving, me sat in the seat by the side of you.  We went to many places and I only had to ask and you would take me.  How I miss you not been here and going to these places again will never be the same.  You had such good eyesight when mine started to fail, I knew I could rely on you to give me good advice and I will also miss that.  We planned to do so much, you going out on your bike with your Dad.  A biking trip to Scotland with you, Dad and Stevie.  The theatre, the food and much much more.  I am so thankful that I got my time with you within the close season of the caravan. 

We miss you not been around, the little words you would state, the help you would give.  I even miss the mess you made.  That never bothered me, after all you were my son and I’d always cleaned up after you all.  That was a choice that I made.

What can I say about the 9th April, it started so normal?  You came to the caravan on your bike, you’d fitted the new screen and wanted to check it out.  You had dinner, sandwich, tin of coke and a Caramac that we had left from the Easter egg.  You didn’t stay long and I told you to have a safe journey home.  Your Dad asked, why did I say that just because you were on your bike.  I told him, I said that even when you were in your car.  We waved, and I waited for you to go around the corner, you didn’t look our way.  I can still see you on your bike, driving in-between the caravans.  We are sure you want to Squires for a drink of tea.  It was around 11pm ish when Paul phoned to say you had gone over to them because you were in a lot of pain. I knew I had to be with you. 

I’m sure knowing I was there was a comfort to you, after all we always want our Mum’s when things are bad and you would have been the same.  I asked for your pain relief, gave you a small amount to drink and rubbed your shoulders when you asked me too.  I don’t want to go into too much details because I am sure that will never go away and I will remember when I read this.  X-ray, Scan, more pain relief, more drinks, fluids, the doctors said your bowel had ruptured.  I asked what would happen now, you replied ‘Operation’ we weren’t worried.  Why should we be, we had been there before?  When the doctors decided you needed an emergency operation because of your ‘obs’ it didn’t even bother us and I asked if you wanted me to come to theatre with you.  I walked behind you as they took you down the corridor, you shouted my name ‘Mum’ you wanted to know if I had something for your heartburn.  I told you to ask for the doctors to give you something when they put you to sleep for the operation.  When we got to the operating theatres, I told you, I couldn’t go in, that the doctors would look after you, to ask for something for your stomach and I would see you in HDU like we had before.  We didn’t know, we honestly both didn’t know.  I just knew you would be soon out of pain and that was so important.

On Sunday 10th we waited and waited for the hospital to phone, eventually I phoned and found out you were in ICU.  Silly me I thought it was less important than HDU.  I spoke to them, to ask how you were and told them I would visit tomorrow because you were probably sleepy.  Silly me I still didn’t know; we still didn’t realise just how poorly you were.  The nurse told us, you do realise Mark is very poorly, so I told her we would come down.  Once they took us into that little room, we knew it wasn’t good.  The doctor gave you a 50% of survival, we phoned Stevie and Mickie to come, never thinking we would lose you.  We sat with you, we hugged you, I told you how much I loved you, how much we still had to do, that you still hadn’t brought me my Mother’s Day present.  I told you to stay with us, to stay with ME, you couldn’t leave me, you had to stay, you told me you would always be here for me.  The doctor and nurses suggested we went home; we could ring anytime to check on how you were.  We still didn’t know; we still didn’t realise.

The nurse phone around 11.30pm, telling us the Doctor wanted to see us.  It was then that we realised we were going to lose you.  But, you hope that the news was good, in our hearts we knew it wasn’t.  Once again, little room, to be told ‘you would not see the morning’.  Sat waiting, holding your hand, watching your every breath, watching machines, hoping, praying, speaking.  Telling you again of the love we had for you.  That we were all there, wishing, oh so wishing.  We were offered a cup of tea around three.  I think they knew that it was only a matter of time before you wouldn’t be with us.  They called us, the doctor wanted to speak to us.  I went to the toilet, you know me.  ‘Mark will die in the next couple of minutes’ he said.  My god our world fell apart, how can we lose another.  I sat by your side, your Dad held your hand.  I spoke and told you of our love, how we would miss you. I hummed in your ear, I just didn’t know what else to do.  I just wanted you to know we were there; I didn’t want you to think you where by yourself.  Them words, ‘he’s gone Mum’ and our journey began once again.  It breaks my heart to write these words, yet I know I need to write them, so I won’t forget.  I love you so much, we miss you so much xxxxxxxxxx  You left us Monday 11th April 2016 at 3.40am.  Just fourteen days before your 40th birthday.  7 years and 10 days since we lost Matthew on the 1st April 2009.  How I dislike April.

I went to see you three times after we had lost you.  This first time with Granddad at St James’s Hospital.  We had to go and sort out the death certificate and register your death.  You looked so peacefully, laid there with the sun beating down on your hair.  Your hair was so soft and it had always been a lovely colour.  I think it was your pride and joy.  Your top lip was held in by your bottom one.  You were cold and you felt so solid.  I had that feeling you were still in a body bag, although there was a sheet over you so I couldn’t tell.  Both Granddad and I cried, you looked so peaceful and still you were my son.  It was hard to leave you behind yet again.  The second time was after the car accident on the 25th April, your birthday.  You were dressed in your clothes, your coffin was so big and your feet were at a funny angle so you could fit in.  They had sorted your mouth out, your hair felt damp, no sun shone through the window to give it warmth.  We cried, we missed you oh so much.  You were still our son, our little boy, that we had lost.  Once again it was hard to leave, but, I knew we had to, otherwise I would have stayed all my life.  It was the day of the funeral that we saw you again, Me, Dad, Joanne and Sarah.  Joanne brought you your DVD.  She apologised for not getting it to you sooner and said how annoyed she was at Mickie for watching it.  That was quite funny and I’m sure you would have laughed.  Sarah said ‘ you never got that final hair cut’.  Dad and I came with our flowers, I put them in your hand, the daffodil for Matthew, the bluebell for Baby Charlie and tulip that you gave to Matthew, that will always be your flower and once again the apple blossom from the apple blossom tree at home.  We left, after I had removed the wristbands from the hospital, how you hated them.  The next time we would see you would be when you made your final journey home.

You arrived just after 11.00am, once again the sun shone, just like it did for Matthew.  It was time for you to leave. A man walked to the end of the road, stopping the traffic and we were on our way, to somewhere we thought we would never have to take another of our sons. 

I don’t know how many people where there, there were people I didn’t even know.  Your Dad spoke to them afterwards I couldn’t I stayed within the protection of my family and my wonderful friend Carys.

The time had come, time for our goodbyes, our sorrows, our crying and our wishes that it would never ever happen again. 

A Service of
Remembrance and Thanksgiving
for the life of
---
'MARK KIRK'
---
Service at
Rawdon Crematorium
Wednesday 4th May 2016
at 11.40 a.m.



Music - Knocking on Heavens Door

Mama take this badge from me
I can't use it anymore
It's getting dark too dark to see
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, yeah
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, yeah
Woah, yeaha
Woah, yeaha
Mama put my guns in the ground
I can't shoot them anymore
That cold black cloud is comin' down
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, yeah
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, yeah
"You just better start sniffin' your
Own rank subjugation jack 'cause it's
Just you against your tattered libido,
The bank and the mortician, forever man
And it wouldn't be luck if you could
Get out of life alive"
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, yeah
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, woah, woah yeah
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, woah yeah
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, woah, oh yeah
...........................................................................

1

Hello and Welcome Everyone
---

My name is Carl Keeting
---
 and I have the privilege
  given to me by the family
---
 to speak on their behalf - and to conduct today’s Ceremony
---
Today - in the peace - and the still
---
we gather to join - as one
in love and friendship
---
to comfort one another
---
to give thanks
---
and - above all - to celebrate
---
the life of
---
 'Mark Kirk'
---
a big - gentle - Giant
...........................................................................

2

I would like to offer you all
a very warm welcome
 and thank you for your support
...........................................................................

3

'Nothing can prepare you for the loss
of someone you love'
---
regardless of age
---
It is the darkest of days
---
and
'time stands still'
---
We feel shock - sadness
and an overwhelming feeling of loss
---
but also immeasurable
 thankfulness and gratitude
---
 for having shared
the life of someone we love so very much
...........................................................................

4

During our lives
 we all face
trials and tribulations
---
so many things are beyond our understanding 
---
only when we are faced with death
---
 can we truly understand and appreciate
---
the real value - 'of life'
---
love
---
friendship
---
family
---
and that is why we are here today!
---
to acknowledge 
'our love' and respect' - for Mark
...........................................................................

5

Whilst today is a sad day
---
it is the wish of the family that we focus
on 'celebrating' Mark's life
---
we believe
 that would be Mark's wishes also
---
and there will be an opportunity later
in the Service ...
---
 when you will be invited
to join with the family ...
---
 to write
your own personal messages to Mark
on his coffin
...........................................................................
6

One thing that can never be taken away
 is the experience of loving Mark
---
 and having been loved by him 
---
because
---
No-one can 'steal' your memories'...
---
and that is Mark's gift to all of you today
...........................................................................

7

'Every journey has a beginning and ending'
---
Mark's life journey ended
---
suddenly - but peacefully
---
on 11th April 2016
---
at St. James Hospital
---
at the age of  39
---
'It was a time of goodbye'
...........................................................................

8

TRIBUTE
---
Maria
The T-shirt made us laugh ‘Fat people are harder to kidnap’.  But, we know that is not true.  No matter how much we held you close or the times we told you to fight and stay with us.  They picked you up like a feather and took you away.

We don’t have to tell you how much we love and we will miss you.  You know that because of Matthew.

I hope the decisions we have made are the right ones.  But, you know Mum knows best.  Unless you told me I was wrong.

We all say our goodbyes to our son and brother.  We love you so much.

All I can say is – Heaven must be building a massive kitchen to want such a decent joiner.

Love you son number one xxxxxxxxxx
...........................................................................

9

It is natural - when we lose someone we love
 - to focus on the last hours – the last days of their life ...
---
      but when someone has lived 39 years  
we should never forget the ‘whole’
 of their life’s journey
---
So friends - let us now reminisce
---
'and with the memories of the family'
---
let us shine a light
---
on the life of
---
'Mark Kirk'
...........................................................................

10

The Eulogy
---
Mark had 3 brothers
---
Michael and Steven
---
and Matthew ...
who - sadly - is no longer with us
---
Mark loved them all very much ...
and would do anything for them
...........................................................................

11

As a youngster you would always find
Mark with a hammer and nails
---
learning from his granddad ...
who he was very close to
---
so it's no surprise he would spend his
working life as a Joiner
........................................................................

12

Mark had many friends at the
'Woodcock Pub'
---
where he would meet up with his mates
- most afternoons -
and enjoy his glass of orange juice
.........................................................................

13

Mark liked to watch Motor Sports
with his dad
---
as well as
---
Storage Wars
---
Tree Masters
---
The 100
---
Zombie and Scary films
---
and Vietnam War films
...........................................................................

14

Mark liked nothing more than
packets of crisps - any flavour!
---
and liked to go out for meals
with the family
---
and he was very adventurous with his food
---
visiting Thai - Indian - and Afghanistan
Restaurants
..........................................................................

15

Mark loved nothing more than getting on his motor bike - sometimes with dad
---
and many of you will know he was
definitely 'a white van man'
---
friends - 'beware'
 if you were in front of him
---
he made a Science of trying to get as near
 to the car in front of him - as he could!
---
so close - he could make you cringe!
---
not a good idea to stand in front of Mark!
........................................................................

16

Mark liked his dogs
---
and Daisy - his Jack Russell
is still with us
---
he loved children
and they loved him
---
he was content with his life
---
He was his own man
---
and despite illness
he just got on with it!
---
never complaining
---
Mark and his mum were very close
and spent a lot of time together
---
they loved and cared for each other
so very much
---
Mark is gone too soon
---
but leaves us all with memories
of someone we loved
---
and someone we will always love
..........................................................................

17

Friends
---
whilst we play a favourite song of Mark's
---
the family would like to invite you now
to join with them - to write your own
personal messages on his coffin
---
please do not worry if the song ends
---
sufficient time has been allowed for you all
to share your messages with Mark
...........................................................................

18

Music - Paint it Black

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens ev'ry day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door I must have it painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facin' up, when your whole world is black
No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin' sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin' comes
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
I want to see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I want to see the sun, flying high in the sky
I want to see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah! Hmm, hmm, hmm
.........................................................................
19
'The Benediction'
---
Mark
---
 Thank you
---
for your
  kindness - generosity - and compassion
---
Thank you
---
for the many precious memories
 we will hold - 'forever' - in our hearts
---
Thank you
---
 for all the love and loyalty
 you gave to your family and friends
---
Thank you
---
 for your inspiration
 and the privilege of sharing
 'your life with us'
---
We will always love you Mark
---
You are gone from our sight
but never our memories
---
You are gone from our touch
but never our hearts
---
we will always be proud of you
---
 'and Mark - we will never forget you'
...........................................................................

20

The Committal

It is now time to say goodbye to Mark
---
  There is sadness in his passing
---
 but we take comfort in the knowledge
 that his life was long
  full of friendship - and love
...........................................................................

21

For those able - would you please Stand
...........................................................................

THE COMMITTAL

May eternal rest be granted to Mark
+
Tenderly - and respectfully
 we gently commit his body to be cremated
+
Earth to Earth
Ashes to Ashes - Dust to Dust
+
We are so grateful
 for the life that has been lived
 +
and for all that life has meant to us
+
We are glad we saw his face
  and felt the pressure of his hand
+
We cherish the memories of his words
 his deeds - and his character
+
We cherish his friendship ...
+
and most of all
+
 'we cherish his love'
---
Please be seated
...........................................................................

22

 above all - Mark loved
---
  and knew he was loved
 by his family and friends
---
  'the most wonderful gift of all'
.........................................................................

23

One thing we can be sure of 
---
Mark would not want you
to shed
eternal tears
---
He would not want
to be remembered in sadness
---
but rather - remember him
---
 with love
---
 with a smile
---
  with a laugh
 ---
  and thoughts
---
 of the many good
and happy moments in his life
...........................................................................

24

A famous American poet ...
---
'Robert Frost' - once wrote
---
'I can sum up life - in 3 words'
---
'it goes on'
---
and I have no doubt that is the message
Mark would want to share
 with you today
---
embrace - and appreciate
 your own life's journey
---
be thankful for every day
---
that way we acknowledge
the purpose of his life
---
the value of his life
---
and the legacy of warmth
---
friendship
---
 and love
---
 which he leaves with you all today
...........................................................................

25

Mark
---
whilst we bid you farewell
---
there are 'no goodbyes' for us
---
for - wherever you are
---
you will always be with us and in our hearts
...........................................................................

26

Before leaving
the family would like to thank
---
his brothers
---
his sister in laws
who were like sisters
---
Joanne and Sarah
---
grandchildren
---
grandparents
---
aunties - uncles - nephews
and nieces
---
his friends at the Pub
for being there for him so many times
---
thanks to Dave Crampton ...
---
and work colleagues
---
thank you all for being part of his life ...
---
and
for sharing your friendship with Mark
---
thanks to family and friends
---
Tracey - at 'Horace Webster'
for her kindness and understanding
...........................................................................

27

Friends
---
you are all invited to join the family
after the Service
---
at
---
The Woodcock Pub
in New Farnley
...........................................................................

28

And finally
---
thank you all for the privilege
 of ‘allowing me’
 to share today - with you
---
and always remember
---
‘there is nothing so precious
as the memories that will always live on’
...........................................................................

29

Music - Wish you were here

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from hell
Blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground
And how we found
The same old fears
Wish you were here
..........................................................................




I hope you enjoyed your funeral, we did what we thought you would like.  Mickie and Stevie choose the songs and we wrote on your coffin, just like you suggested we did for Matthew.  Your ashes where spread on the 12th May in the area we placed Matthew’s and Mum’s.  Dad, Mickie, Granddad and I where there.  It is such a beautiful area and one day both Dad and I will be placed there too. 

You know we will always miss you of that you can be certain.  I will miss you all my life, my love for you will never die and I know one day we will all be together again.  Even if it’s just our ashes falling upon the same ground.

All my love

MUM

Xxxxxxxx

Only a sleep